can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
