the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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