how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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