WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
