apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
