I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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