Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
