my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
