I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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