I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
