I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
