Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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