There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
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