i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Are we still banned from the library?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
