she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
