You just made me feel so damn special
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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