So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
