I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
