why do cheetos always look like penises
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
