Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
