we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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