At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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