Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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