Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
