I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
