Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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