then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
