I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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