how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
