The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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