well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
