I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
