Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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