what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
