So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up under a house in Key West
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