Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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