I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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