is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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