My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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