I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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