don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
