I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
