sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
