id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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