I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
