Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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