How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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