Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
