i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
