dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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