she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
