3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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